|
loads_of_shenanigans
|
read my profile
sign my guestbook
Name: Shawnee
Location: United States
Birthday: 2/8/1989
Gender: Female
Interests: christianity, Family, friends, music, shopping, movies, Biology, swimming, writing, traveling, and so much more
Occupation: Student
Message: message me
MSN: if you want it ask me
Member Since:
10/22/2005
|
|
| So today i woke up at a decent hour by 12ish.. Then got ready to go with mom to the Cellular one place.. Cause it's becoming the new AT&T. So she could switch to AT&T which is what i have. ME being extremely excited cause Momasita said she was putting me on her plan. So that i wouldn't have to pay my 95+ cell bill each month since im bearly making anything at Chick-Fil-A. So we get over there my aunt and uncle and her mother-in-law decided on a plan...and new cells. So mom decided on her new phone and put Jake (my cousin) on her plan thinking it would be a piece a cake to add me. Since the nice lady at the cell place gave us the number to call to switch me from my own plan to moms. Yeah ok not so easy..come to find out that the cell place im with is AT&T..but the place is called HTC Communications.. and they aren't AT&T they did something.. so it makes it complicated and now i want to pull the ladies hair out at my cell place who neglected to tell us a few things..not to mention that i never get mailed a bill ever on the 12 of the month like they are supose to. so in Dec i practically had to guess what my bill was going to be for January and then send it to the place praying that it wasn't more. So basically Im not a big fan of the company and feel used since Im younger and in college. The company feels they can screw College Students over. So that they ruin their credit for years. Lets hope the Company isn't so far gone with corruption that they let me out of my 2 yr contract by buying the rest of the contract out. Which would still put me a head of what i am paying per month to have the 900 minutes, moble to moble, free nights and weekends, and unlimited texting! UH! | | |
| SO Im sitting at home in my house..or should i say my mom's house. It's been so long since i have written. Im in college on winter break spending all my time sleeping eating and more sleeping. Being home has made me realize how things change..people change. Going away..Going South. I don't regret it. I just realized that after going on a road trip and seeing College friends and hearing them talk about their friends from home and then rushing around to spend time with these said friends that i have lost a lot from senior year to now. People i call friends have new lives of their own. They have moved on with their life and the good times are a memory of the past. Just glanced over when seeing each other in Walmart. Now instead of plotting and planning hanging out and spending time doing absolutely nothing we are doing just nothing apart. I mean we go thought life in friendships saying that we would be friends for ever. But people go their seperate ways whether it is going off to a college out of state or just grow up change...start to question what your idea about life...who you are and who you want to be. You find these friends once in a billion years or at least it feels like it. Being home on break...its like being on vacation away from work, school, a stable schedule, independanc..from new friends..that as much as i denie it i miss as if i have know them for years. YET, the one i have know for years i spent so much god damn time pushing them away my senior year since it didn't matter it was envitable to escape destiny or growing up and moving in different directions. The base route being hidden in the fact that i couldn't deal with change too much frushing my care free spirit like a bolder crashing down on a helpless ant. I spend my last year of being free of adulthood pushing myself from everyone i love, trusted and held close all over a tragety that couldn't be escaped..no matter how far i ran and push and hid from the world. Acting as nothing had happened that i could make it on my own when deep down inside i was screaming for help screaming Someone hold me make this hurt go away how could THIS happen to me!!!! But no one could hear me...I had no one because i let no one hear me... And that has snowballed rolling down hill with no one to catch me...cause i pushed and pushed till no one could help me at all i pushed as far away as going off to college in another state where no one knew me and or my past experiences. Im not saying its bad infact it has been good to meet new ppl and grow as a person but i can help to feel i've lost ppl along the way and i have no one to blame but myself. Its bad when i hate to be home sleeping in the bed i slept in for over 8 years. Because it reminds me of tragedy the house reaks of death of change.. Change for the worst. But being at college the bed is different each day is ruled by myself it smells of change for the best..an aire of new experiences new beginings a chance to discover a new side of one's self no one knows me and its up to me to chose who i let in and how close of a bond i make with them. Its up to me to let my guard down and let ppl in to defeat the fear that rages through my body that doesn't want to experience life and love because im afraid to lose ppl in the end when once again at the end of college just as in the end of high school and life everyone goes their seperate ways. Its up to me to make the effort to pick up the pieces of friendship that are left and to hold on tightly so that im not alone in the world to be left where i once was when i needed them the most and didnt have them. Its up to me to let go of fear and the things i can't change and be true to myself and those i love and hold dear. and nothing more. It is all I can do... | | |
| SO i been thinking that im a horrible person.. especially with the holidays approaching. I have no money once so ever to spend on my family and have attempted several times to get a job in the last few weeks and month. But yet they will do what they do.. go an buy me presents and then look at me and i'll feel really bad cause i didn't get them anything once so ever.. and to top it off we are staying at my aunts for chirstmas eve to watch my cousins unwrap presents from santa.. and my youngest cousin lukas will grab a present from the tree that is from him to me for christmas and he'll look at me with his 3 yr old smile and puppy dog eyes and say here shawnee its christmas.. and i will look around and open it and retreat to a corner and cry cause im a horrible cousin who hasn't bought her youngest counsin who has everything anything special from myself.. what a huge guilt i will feel in my gut as i try to choke down cooked ham and mashed potatoes smolldered in gravy.. on what things to look forward to.. Abundance: Feeling like a horrible person... | | |
| So Saturday morning i went to the Fort Hill vs Alco Game with my cousin jake and shea met me at the top of the 62 stairs..and we hung out with kyle and seth.. and other ppl.. I say jackie and her boyfriend steven (oh so attractive) and has great taste in music i must say! so he gets a total of 10 points. 5 for being attractive and 5 for his music selection! plus 3 for laughing at my corny jokes on friday at scotties b-day party. so he goets a total of 13 points that don't really mean anything! oh well enough about ppl.. um kyle got me free cotten candy. and jackie grady and she gave me the rest of her soda! Man i love when ppl give me things free. also Fort hill won the game! after the game jake informed me that he was goin to the homecoming dance with his new girlfriend. so of course my mom made a huge deal about it and me and shea went and convienced him to by his girl friend a pink long stem rose. we are so making him a gentlemen! hah and we picked out what to wear! and it turns out his girlfriend loved the rose and though it was sweet! man i so should have been born a guy i come up with the sweetest ideas for guys to do to impress the ladies! Ah too bad i make an awesome girl when i get all done up lol. ok so later that night i stayed home and was checking my email mainly because i was extremely bored on a saturday nigh and who do you think was on.. ZACHARY MORELAND----->my big brother and he and i had a great conversation consisting of how life has changed and dad dying.. him running off to a christian college (its like masters comission but its a baptist college instead) and is studing ministry! im so proud of him.. he talked to me about dads death and pretty much said the same thing that everyone else has told me.. such as god is in control of everything and that he's look out for mom and i and what not. but for some reason just thinking of him saying it when i read his IM's.. I actually believed what he said.. I kinda teared up with joy. I miss talking to my BIG BROTHER. He's always been here for me no matter the situation.. Im his lil sis (shawn-shawn). Even when he and andrea broke up i still couldn't hate him even though andrea wanted me to badly.. Cause he's never done me wrong ever. It use to be that i would see him everytime i went to walmart then he vanished into thin air.. but at least now its good to know he didn't die or anything he just went of to college down next to Baltimore! His words saturday night kinda makes me want to go back to church and start over new like the bad stuff that has happened over summer-now has just been a lie a delusion. My hasn't been real in that last few months since the incident and even before that. but last night after spending hours talking about dreams and hopes and our lives and what to do about deciding on a college Potomac state vs. Coastal Carolina.. And his simple words Follow your heart.. Consult God.. Pray.. Will you regret not going to Coastal Carolina. Do you Feel that if you don't go now you never will. Do you feel a strong pull towards going. All these just made me think and smile. I miss having someone so close to talk to. Someone who i can joke around with, cry on, speak in tongues and they understand and encourage. Tell me stuff i didn't want to hear.. Looked after me and protected me even when i thought i didn't need it... He said that he's gonna try to make it up for christmas and stop by and see me..and he's bring a friend from school who's name is josh. I told him that he definately has to try to make it to graduation.. and he said that he would try really really hard.. but if not im gonna send him pictures so that he can pretend he's there. Man i so proud of what he's doing and his courage to presue ministry.. im not even that strong or couragous. I amit Im a back slider.. when the going gets tough..i the weak get going as far away out of reach i can get. But i finally think im getting stronger.. and my broken pieces are getting put back together.. even though some of the pieces of my life don't fit together anymore since they have changed so much. but at least they are still brightly colored. But it was most definately awesome to hear from him again.. and well needed. considering the way i have been feeling lately. Today was a down day.. i slept till 12ish and got up and felt horrible the rest of the day.. my head is congested, my nose is running, my throat feels like a huge lump.. my ears are draining.. i have a sore lump in front of my left year. I've coughed and sneezed most of the day.. and can't get warm.. but yet mom vounteered me to watch my lil cousin lucas.. so he was entertained for 4 hours by spongebob square pants the prehistoric episode over and over and over again.. oh and between the same episode a billion times we played cars, pool, basketball, cars, and he ate a bowl of cereal. and for 45 minutes at max to myself i had to take care of rabbits.. thank god the neighbor's son william (he's like in the 6th grade or so) helped me to get done quicker so that i could finish watching lukas.. and now i think im gonna take some meds and pass out for the night even though its only 8 something.. Abundance: Cold chills, Clammy hands, Sneezing, and Smiles. | | |
| This weekend was how do i say it Interesting...the fire work show was again ran by drunks..just like last year..The neighbors where down..and their son scott and his friend danny. So i hung out with them most the time. I went on several float trips. The one on the 4th it poured down rain while we where floating down the river. Watched fireworks on the 3rd of July. Goofed off with scott and danny...hahah great times you just had to be there. Talked with scotts grandma Jenny a lot. She's a pretty funny lady. hahah Goofen off upstairs with the guys...thats always fun. Pushing danny off the bottom bunk...Not getting to go skinny dipping that kinda made me a little depressed its the one thing i wanted to do..i haven't went in a good while. Watched American pie with the guys. And The Ringer with them and my aunt krista.. Taking Scott's seat. Then him sitting on me..then later on Danny sitting on him while he was sitting on me..Yeah that kinda hurt....a lot. Then I went over to see them set off fireworks they set off a total of 3 and they wheren't the big ones then I left. and went home.
Abundance: Titie Twisters and Paybacks...And i so won that war! | | |
|